Am I who I say I am when I’m not thinking about who I am?

Don’t let those who look to you in hope be discouraged by what happens to me, Dear Lord! God of the armies! Don’t let those out looking for you come to a dead end by following me— Please, dear God of Israel!  Psalm 69:6 MSG

My biggest fear is that someone will make the decision to not follow God based on the way they see me live my life.  Biggest.fear.ever.

I should always be mindful that the things I do and say are a reflection of who I am.  I need to remember that people who know I’m a Christian watch me outside of church, those who know I write devotions everyday, read the words I write on Facebook.

Am I who I say I am when I’m not thinking about who I am?

I’ve had people come up to me and say, “it makes me laugh to read your devotion then hear you say {—–}… ouch. What was I thinking? How can I write about peace and forgiveness and speak ugly words in my own anger? How can I sing praises to God every weekend then act in a way that more resembles the world than Jesus? Am I really who I say I am or am I just another wolf in sheep’s clothing?

People watch us. They watch me and they watch you. They’re waiting to see what we do and say when we don’t have our Jesus bubble on. Will I be help or hinder the cause of Christ? We are all human and we all fall, but the question is, are we living the life we say we’re living or is it just for show and underneath it all, we’re the same as everyone else?

God have mercy on me for I have sinned. If I’m really, really honest, I can admit that it’s not my biggest fear that a soul is lost because of the Jesus they see in me, my truly biggest fear is that I know this and do nothing about it. God move in my life, change my heart so I can rid myself of the ugliness people see in me when I try to show them you.